the shocks of being a sneak

>> Monday, 2 November 2009

I've been working really hard the last few days, I had such a back log of work which needed to be done. The kids have suffered quite badly, I've been stuck upstairs sewing and they've been down stairs making chaos and going slightly insane from cabin fever!
So when they asked if they could play at a friends house (friend was at the front door) i said ok, I was just about to go into town to post some things and said, I would call the friends mum when i got back. (The friend lives literally opposite my house, i can see his front door from my front room window!)

I spent a good 30 mins in the Post office, there was a cue as long as my street! took ages to sort out which postage options i wanted to use.. scared of overseas packages going missing and not sure if i should trust the normal 1st class recorded! I did send the secret sale things by recorded delivery, so please if your waiting for your clothes, let me know when they arrive & so sorry for any delays!

After the post office,  I went into Boots to collect Sophie's newly ordered toothpaste! guess what flavour???
yup, that's right! In The Blooming Night Garden flavour!! (mildly minty)

after Boots, Soph, 4yo and I decided to stroll around the corner to the Supermarket!.. i was concentrating on Soph, wanting to stop at every shop window and have a peek.. when 4yo said "Hello.. R.... (6yo's name)" I thought.... huh???? "R...." what is he doing in town?? i looked up and saw BOTH of my children, and their friend hanging about outside the supermarket by the benches where all the teenagers hang about.

Well you can imagine what happened next.. I SHOUTED so loudly, the teenagers started leering and mocking me! I was fuming.... What the heck where my 2 kids.. (6yo & 8yo boys) doing in the town????
i said, "where is your mum 'T'??" he said, "Not Here" in a fooking sarcastic voice... *Grrr my blood is boiling* I told 'T' to GO HOME NOW.. and ordered my children to follow me into the supermarket.

8yo's wailing commenced, "I'm sorry mummy..... I'm so sorry mummy" (Guilt is a tough thing) I punished them both by making them carry my shopping baskets and purposefully picking heavy items! (hehe)
also at the same time, ramming into them how disappointed i was, how dangerous it was to be out on their own, kidnapper shock stories, etc... the crying was getting louder!

I told anyone who looked at me about what had just happened, just to make 6yo & 8yo feel even more ashamed. they got a telling off from them all. Good I thought.

Walking home, we stopped at the newsagents and bought some sweets, and lollies! (god knows why Soph & 4yo wanted an Ice Lolly??! crazy kids!) 6yo & 8yo DIDN'T get anything, I told them to wait by the door of the shop. here came some even more LOUD cries and faces of guilt.

as we got in the door 8yo said to me, "I guess I've got to go to my room now, as my punishment?"
umm... "NOPE.... i think you can tidy up the whole of the living room!!" (BTW.. you couldn't see the carpet before we went out! so not an easy task!)
all through tidying up though, 8yo was bawling his heart out. but also, complaining of a really really bad foot?
"its hurting so much mummy, i cant stand up... I cant walk... mummy...."
it might sound harsh, but i told him to 'shut up' and just get on with it. he got so bad, he even started chocking on his own breathe (you know those kind of cries that worry you when your baby does it!) but i was adamant, "No.. 8yo, just get on with it"
after about 15 mins of mummy Sargent major laying on the biggest guilt trip and punishment known by my kids, the living room was spotless (almost makes me wonder why they aren't more naughty more often!)

8yo calmed down, I told him, the only reason why his foot hurt was because of his guilt, manifesting as a physical pain.
I know exactly when 8yo is lying, (been taking lessons from sky1's 'Lie To Me' programme! I'm now officially a PRO!!)
his foot no longer hurt and was quite relaxed! (OMGosh, he really is an over the top drama queen!) hew asked for a cuddle and i gave him a great big huge one. i hate being so cruel to him, but i needed him to understand what he'd done was appalling and despicable behaviour. he is NEVER going to play with his friend over the road again.

6yo all through out took it on the chin.. (God.. he's just like his dad!!) he did the cleaning, the tidying, the sorting out, all without a peep! he didn't cry once! I was just as hard on him as I was on 8yo, but Nothing, no emotion or forgiveness. this drove me crazy, I wanted him to show that he knew what he'd done as wrong, but NO... argh... nothing phased him. how could i get it through to him what he'd done was wrong??? without resorting to corporal punishment or extraction of his fave toy of the week?? (which is a stuffed elephant! he even made it a Halloween outfit!!)

so now... the question on my mind is:
"was i too hard on my boys???  and is it ok for them to be outside the house on their own?"

i have let 8yo pop to the local newsagents or at some desperate times, Boots & the supermarket. but all on express terms and he always takes a mobile phone with him, so i can call him constantly!
did 8yo think that he could go? because I'd given him permission to on these occasions? or was he just being naughty?
I asked him why didn't he say to his friend "I'm not allowed to go down town on my own?" and he said, he didn't tell him, as he wanted to go. he wanted to be 'cool' with his mate!
6yo said he only went because the other 2 were going and didn't want to be left alone at friends house?

I then thought about calling the friends mum? should i ring her up and accuse her son of leading my boys astray? (she allows her son free reign, literally.. he's always wondering around the streets till 9/10pm)
I didn't ring her, as I'm a scaredy cat! she's a common pikey gypsy lady  brash woman!

but then, I allowed them to go to the friends house, I was aware of the dangers of them getting up to mischief, but in the friends house!! not on the fooking streets of the town!

what would you do?


Anonymous,  2 November 2009 at 12:52  

I think under the circumstances you were right go off on one.Your a single mum with 4 young kids, running a business from home.You can never be careful these days letting kids go off on their own especially if his friends are undisciplined.He's probably embarassed that you told him off in front of friends and wasn't expecting to get caught out.You shouldn't feel guilty, remember he's the one in the wrong.Perhaps you get get him to do stuff around the house to give him a bit of responsibilty.Let's hope he's learn his lesson.

Bec 2 November 2009 at 12:57  

I think what you did was right, at 6yo and 8yo they are old enough to be taught the danngers of what can happen when they are not with you, obviously don't go into so much danger as to give them nightmares but give them the facts, then they will be aware of the risks and learn to start to be resposible and make responsible decisions.Well, thats what info is drummed into me on my CCLD course anyway!!!! Good Mummying Nat!

Anonymous,  2 November 2009 at 15:23  

I agree, they need to know they're not allowed in to town by themselves at 8 and 6. NO WAY! And for them to learn their lesson you must follow through on punishment. Have another chat with them tomorrow, just so they know why tou were cross.... beacuse you love them and dont want them to come to any harm ... xxx

Anonymous,  9 November 2009 at 06:56  

I think your behaviour was despicable by letting an 8 and 6 yo out on their own in the first place. Particularly as you have expressed your opinions of the woman over the road and knowing that her boy has free rein. It takes seconds for a child to be snatched and the fact that you left them to go into town is surely a crime. I would count yourself lucky that they followed you and I am appalled that you let the other child walk home alone, how could you live with the guilt if something had happened to him. Your method of punishment sounds pathetic and immature and in my opinion its YOU who deserve the punishment. I would be extremely concerned about these children if you were an associate of mine.

ChilliViv 9 November 2009 at 07:16  

I think you did the right thing by punishing them & letting them see how furious you were. They certainly won't do it again.

I also think it if someone wants to voice an opinion they should at least have the balls to put a name to a comment, rather than spout off and hide under 'anonymous', which in itself sems 'pathetic and immature'.

gemini31 9 November 2009 at 07:29  

As the mum of boys now 15 & 18, I think you were spot on with your punishment. As much as you would like to you cannot keep them wrapped up in cotton wool & have to allow them some freedom & it sounds as though you are teaching them the same way as i did my boys. Kids will be kids & we have all probably done the same sort of thing as they did at their age.
They have had a big shock you finding them out & won't forget it in a hurry.

Anonymous probably doesnt have any children or if they do i pity them, as they are probably not allowed to think for themselves & have a stunted personality from being so smothered.
Ignore Anonymous, well done for being a good & caring parent.

sue_bailey,  9 November 2009 at 09:25  

sue_bailey Totally agree with gemini31 and chilliviv - you were totally right to get angry, they probably felt megaguilty anyway. Totally disregard 'anonymous', if someone wants to criticise so vehemently they should should not hide behind anonymity.

angelsandurchinsblog 11 November 2009 at 02:21  

Wonder who 'anonymous' is? Sounds a little paranoid. Bad things happen, but (thankfully) children aren't snatched off the street every five seconds, and there's no point in living in fear about it. The real issue is the children now knowing they can't race off into town by themselves. Sounds as though they've learnt a valuable lesson. What a shock for you, though -children grow up so, so fast.

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